I felt the need to get this all out but I don’t want it to become one of those posts that becomes buried under mountains of pages and pictures and all the other crazy things I have on my blog.

You see, there are these two men, who I have never met, and probably will never meet (though if I have anything to do with it, I’m damn well going to try.)

Let’s start with Darren.

The first time I saw Darren Criss was when I was shown the first few scenes from A Very Potter Musical before a play rehearsal with a few friends of mine. This was at the start of the year, when I wasn’t that involved with Glee, it was merely one of the numerous shows I watched and enjoyed and I would ship the characters half-heartedly. I remember laughing at what I saw, making a mental note to go back and watch it later.

I’m not quite sure how it went so far - it’s kind of all a blur of sexual frustration and life-ruining, but I do remember when Blaine first appeared on Glee. I remember being fascinated with Darren’s acting, his voice, his absolute exuberance. I was immediately enamored with Blaine as a character, and drawn to Darren as a person.

I went back and watched AVPM pretty much that weekend, then AVPS. This opened me up to an entirely new world - the world of Starkid. I’m not the biggest Starkid fan out (when I say this I mean that I don’t know basically everything about it like I do with Klaine, not that I don’t adore the crap out of it), but I thank Glee and I thank Darren for introducing me to it all. Starkid is so wonderful in it’s own right, and I remember being amazed at the fact that I hadn’t seen and fallen in love with it all before. I remember downloading all of Darren’s music and falling in love with his voice, and his words, and being amazed at how this one person could be so wonderfully talented.

None of that, however, compares to the way everything is now. Darren Criss is … pretty much indescribable. I thank the world for the fact that he exists, because there needs to be so many more people like him. He is open and honest and kind and loves everyone and everything all with the energy of a puppy on steroids. He is utterly unique and embraces both his own flaws and everyone else’s, practically begging people to love themselves as much as he loves them. He is humble, yet so utterly, undeniably talented, and every single day he inspires me in ways I could never imagine. He is witty and wonderful and he fights for everyone to have equal rights - to love and be loved as everyone deserves. There are very few straight men around, at least in my life, who are open about embracing gay rights, and for someone who has a gay brother and numerous gay friends, this to me is one of the most wonderful things about him. He is all about acceptance, about loving yourself, and loving others. Darren Criss has shown me that the one thing I should always try to do is love myself, because it matters, and that I do my best to love everyone else as well - because nobody likes an asshole, and there’s nothing more badass than being who you are anyway, pink sunglasses and all.

Now, Christopher Paul Colfer.

I remember Glee Season One - this baby-faced boy with a voice of gold that was acting the pants off the rest of his cast. I think the moment I knew I’d fallen in love with Chris, and Kurt Hummel for that matter, was in Laryngitis. Rose’s Turn will forever be that moment, and will remain my number one favourite Chris number, even when Blackbird and basically every other song he does comes so very close. Rose’s Turn and the emotion, the energy he put into that song, to this day tells me it’s okay to be angry sometimes, it’s okay to tell the world, hey, fuck you universe, I’m going to have my moment one day if it’s the last thing I do, and it’s going to be amazing. His acting continues to blow me away and he will forever be my favourite thing about Glee, hands down. He brings life and light to that show in a way no other actor could, and I would bet everything I own on him becoming a legendary, household name around the world when he’s a little older. He has the kind of voice that would make angels cry - because it makes me sob my heart out, and he takes Beatles songs - Beatles songs, and makes them better, something that I thought was illegal.

But what really got me about this guy was when I started to learn more about him. Like with Darren, the more interviews I watched, the more things I read, the more I realised what an incredible person he was. This is not a name that is going to be forgotten easily, and I wouldn’t want it to be. This is a man who has gone from a small-town life, being bullied for being open and honest about who he was, and is now starring in a hit TV show, has written a screenplay in which he is going to star and produce, has sold a pilot to the Disney Channel, has won a Golden fucking Globe, and has been named one of Time’s 100 most influential people by the public - all before turning 21. He has the most wonderful sense of humour and every single time I watch anything with him in it I find myself in stitches at just how witty and wonderful he is. He owns who he is with grace and kindness, even after all the crap that has been thrown his way, and has come out on top as the most beautiful person.

I don’t think I will ever be able to accurately portray what it is about Chris that fills me to the brim with love, but I think it’s simply because he personifies acceptance and success, and he does it without a shadow of contempt for those who looked down on him. He is constantly moving forward with his chin held high and being the BAMF that he is at all times.

He has come so far, in such a short span of time, and he is constantly growing and becoming even more amazing, which I didn’t quite think was possible, but as ridiculous as it sounds because I don’t know him, I am so very proud of him for everything he has done and continues to do. This quote of his is so wonderfully true, because he really has helped me embrace my awkward self - the self that loves writing about fictional 16 year olds and sobbing incoherently when they share a sexy touch of the fingers.

“I’m not really afraid to be my awkward self, and I know there’s lots and lots of other people just like me out there that are awkward themselves. And I think they just appreciate that I’m not afraid to say the weird things that I say and tweet the obnoxious things that I tweet. But I’ve tried being other people and myself suits me the best. I think you just be honest. I think people respond to honesty.”

People might think it’s strange that I feel this way - that Chris and Darren make me feel so wonderfully happy and genuinely make my world a brighter place just by existing in it, but I feel badly for them. I see these two wonderful men, so exuberant and grateful just to be themselves, loving the world, and all I want to do is love them back with every fibre of my being, because they constantly remind me that this fucked up person that I am, this crazy amalgamation of strange quirks and ridiculous obsessions is perfectly wonderful and absolutely okay in every way, and I don’t ever see that changing, and even if hugging my computer screen is as close as I ever come, I’m okay with that, because they’ve impacted my life more than I’d ever be able to convey anyway.